Monday 29 September 2014

Stop Right Now, Thank You Very Much!





A few days ago, I was on the bus, minding my business as usual. Behind me, a little boy was playing with his younger sister. In the midst of their playing, the boy said: "Stop it Emma, I don't like it when people touch my tummy." 

I was blown away. The boy, who couldn't have been more than 8 years old, clearly stated one of his boundaries. Granted it was unlikely he knew he was doing that, but it struck me none the less. 

What's a boundary? It's the line between what you tolerate and do not. I've never been one to set boundaries with people around me and have suffered because of it. I believe the atypical 'moral' person, and even further, Christians who want to love like Christ, don't set boundaries with the people in our lives. 

I wrote a post a few weeks back about meekness and the meek inheriting the earth. This post is not meant to be counterintuitive but there is a balance. The bible says: "..love your neighbour as yourself." Mark 12:31.

Here's a scenario. You go to work on Monday and a co-worker slaps you. On Tuesday, you meet up with an old friend and they kick you. At midweek service on Wednesday, a church member pinches you. At Sunday dinner, your brother hits you over and over again. Would you, as a sensible person, allow this to happen week in, week out? Would you say that tolerating it is what Jesus wants you to do? I hope the answer is no. A normal person does not allow or tolerate physical pain continuously. The way we love and demand respect for our physical bodies is how we should also work to preserve our emotional wellbeing.

So why do we allow people to make snide comments or other hurtful actions, knowingly to them or not, in the name of being a good, kind person? A common phrase says, what you allow you attract. So if you allow people to ride roughshod over you, believe you me, that is what you get.

Why do people not set boundaries? I believe the main reason is fear. People fear that if they are firm and state their dislikes, they will be rejected or abandoned. I remember when I was in secondary school and we had moved to Aberdeen from London. My class teacher asked a group of girls to look after me. I guess they got tired of their job, because they started to run away from me at lunch. Although, It would be an overstatement to say I was irrevocably scarred from that experience, a remnant of that fear stayed with me i.e. don't rock the boat, just go with the flow, and people won't have a reason to leave you. 

It's now I realise that one cannot live a successful life with such a mindset. Every person has, or should have their limit; things that they simply do not like. There is no sin in letting acquaintances, friends and family members know what these things are, in a firm but calm way. 

An example of a boundary is telling your co-worker that you don't like to be spoken down to, especially infront of other staff. Another could be letting your friend know that you would appreciate her asking before taking your belongings. One of my personal boundaries is, 'don't say negative comments to me or around me, about my family, especially my siblings'. Jesus had boundaries too. "Jesus went into the temple courtyard and threw out everyone who was buying and selling there. He overturned the moneychangers' tables and the chairs of those who sold pigeons." Matthew 21:12. He was love personified but He didn't take rubbish! What are yours?

Now it's one thing to have boundaries, and another to communicate them effectively. Stating a boundary is stating a fact. A fact is, in Winter, Aberdeen is cold. If i stated that fact, I wouldn't shout or be upset and angry because whether the person agrees or not, that is the fact. If they don't like that fact, they shouldn't visit Aberdeen in winter! A boundary should be communicated in the same way; without outbursts of emotion. Lets use the example of the condescending co-worker. A good way to communicate the boundary would be to tell them that you don't appreciate being spoken to that way and you would like it if they raised any issue with you in private. All said with a smile on your face :) 

So, we know boundaries are important, we've identified what our boundaries are, and we know how to communicate them in the right way. What do you do then if people do not respect your boundaries?

I'm no expert, I'm still learning myself, but I think the first thing is to gauge your relationship with the person. An acquaintance is easier to distance yourself from than a family member for example. If you have communicated your boundary and it is repeatedly  not being respected, simply distance yourself from the person. I say this because it is important to love yourself before you can show love to others and that includes your emotional wellbeing. After all, if you don't care about looking after you, who will? Distancing yourself could be interacting less, or minimising your expectations to prevent being hurt. 

There is so much to be said about setting boundaries, and I can't cover it all. Suffice to say, they are important both for you and the people in your love. 


Here's a great video about boundaries from a Christian perspective: 























Tuesday 23 September 2014

Natural Hair - Do Care!



I love natural hair. I have for years. I would literally spend hours on YouTube salivating lol. For those who don’t know, natural hair is pretty much that – the hair that comes out of your scalp without any chemical alterations e.g. a relaxer. 

As I really enjoy all things hair, I thought it would be good to share a bit of what I’ve picked up along the way. This may be common knowledge for some, but hopefully some people can learn something new.

Moisture


      Natural hair needs to be moisturised often

     Water is the best way to moisture your hair

    Wetting your hair daily is best suited to short natural hair

    With longer hair, you can use a spray bottle to dampen

    Drinking the recommended daily amount ensures water reaches scalp

     Hair creams and oils also moisturise hair

      The most effective are those with water as the first ingredient

       To retain moisture, seal the hair with an oil of your choice

 Protective styling

     To prevent breakage, natural hair should be kept in a style for some time

     You can use styles with extensions such as weaves and braids or styles without extensions like cornrows and twists

     If using extensions, make sure the tracks of the weave or the braids or not done too tightly

    Strenuous pulling on the hair can lead to breakage and hair loss, especially around the edges

      Try to avoid direct heat like blow-drying and straightening

      Heat dries out the hair; making the strands weaker



Maintenance

      Hair should still be washed and moisturised while in a protective style
     
      Protein treatments can be used to strengthen and condition hair
     
       Egg, mayonnaise or protein products can be used between styles

Hot oil treatments can be used to add extra moisture 

 To do a hot oil treatment, apply a generous amount of oil and leave in hair overnight

Create a routine for protein and oil treatments  
     
      Sleeping with a satin bonnet or scarf can prevent dryness

 Split ends should be trimmed as often as needs be 

 Use wide tooth combs or bristle brushes to detangle hair 

 Work your way up from the ends of the hair when detangling



Supplements 

 A good multivitamin is recommended for general health including hair 

 B vitamins are particularly important for hair growth 

 Iron deficiency has been linked with hair loss 

 Check with your GP if you are deficient in any vitamins 



Hopefully, the information has been useful. Although its primarily for natural hair, some tips can be used for relaxed or texturised hair. Happy hair growing :) 






Monday 18 August 2014

Meek Isn't Weak.


“Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5


Hmmm. God has been teaching me a lesson. Bit by bit. And now I’m ready to say something about it. Several situations have happened, to me and to others close to me, where I realised that to get ahead by normal standards, you have to push yourself into the limelight for recognition from people.

As I was thinking on what has been happening, I remembered the ‘blessed are” scriptures in the bible. Society has taught us that to advance in our careers, in our hobbies and even in ministry, we have to take the proverbial bull by the horns, be forceful, loud, and proclaim from the rooftops who we are and what we can do. Not meek. It is generally seen as a weakness to be meek and to put others before yourself. After all, it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there right?

Well, as Christians, we know that are Perfect Example was the meekest man of all. So why aren’t Christians as meek as He is? For a start, we live in the world. We are surrounded by principles that oppose the Word of God. We are in this world, but not of it. We also grapple with our human nature pretty much every day. Well I know I do. It doesn’t come naturally to be self-sacrificing.

Despite dictionary definitions such as ‘timid’ and ‘spineless’, the Hebrew meaning of ‘meek’ is ‘humble’. To be humble is to have a low estimate of one’s importance. In light of Matthew 5:5, blessed are the humble. This means that the un-humble are the opposite of blessed lol. So the meek inherit the earth? Shouldn’t it be the self-assured, aggressive go-getters of life?

1 Corinthians 1:27 says: “ But God chose what the world considers nonsense to put wise people to shame. God chose what the world considers weak to put what is strong to shame.” It may not seem like the logical mindset, but we know that God's way is ultimately the best. 

A prideful heart can easily rob us of our blessings. We may feel that we are entitled to a better position in church or at work because of our ever-so-many gifts and oh-so-wonderful talents. What does a person have that they weren’t given? The Lord who has given us the abilities we have, will showcase them when and how He deems fit. Our part is to remain humble.  


I pray that God will give us the grace to be meek so that we may inherit the earth; for Him.  



Thursday 31 July 2014

Most attractive…Least attractive...

Hi guys! It’s been a hot minute/slash two years since I posted, but I am back with something I’ve meaning to do for a while. I conducted a mini-survey a while back by asking a few of my friends to write a list of their top three most and least attractive traits in the opposite gender. The results were interesting! The main reason I wanted to do it was to give everyone an insight into some of the things their prospective spouses are looking for. That and a sly way to find out the qualities I need to add to my life for my soon-to-come bae! Here are the lists.

Most attractive traits in males
Most attractive traits in females
·      A worshipper
·      A leader *
·      Wise
·      Intelligent
·      Sense of humour *
·      Sensitive *
·      Relationship with God
·      Has a vision and is passionate
·      Trustworthy
·      Takes responsibility
·      Gentle
·      A heart that loves God
·      Cheerful
·      Has integrity
·      Considerate


·      Confidence*
·      Honesty
·      Great conversation
·      Classy
·      God-fearing
·      Great sense of humour
·      Good body shape
·      Kind
·      Outgoing
·      Intelligent
·      Self sufficient
·      Clean
·      Driven
·      Forgiving
·      Generous
Least attractive traits in males
Least attractive traits in females
·      Arrogance *
·      Uncouth
·      A know-it-all
·      No future plans
·      Dishonesty
·      Stubborn
·      Overly flirtatious
·      Nominal Christian
·      Pushy
·      Bad breath
·      Stingy
·      Uptight
·      Cold
·      Erratic
·      Selfishness
·      No desire to grow
·      Anger *
·      Poor personal hygiene *
·      Rude
·      Foul language *
·      Slutty dressing
·      Clinginess 
·      Pride
·      Argumentative
·      Lack of opinion
·      Needy
·      Materialistic
·      Stubborn
·      Selfishness
·      Negative
·      Insecure
·      Uncultivated



So yeah, that’s it. Please take from it what you will, except offence. If anyone wants to start a good ol’ discussion whether to agree or disagree, please feel free!