Compare? Au Contraire!

Hey all,

So, ( I say this word a lot), I just wanted to write about something that has been reoccurring in my mind recently and was spoken about in tonight's bible study at my church. Its about comparison. We compare ourselves to others in relation to everything under the sun: a job they have that you don’t have, a relationship that’s eluding you that ‘everyone’ seems to have, money that people ‘don’t deserve’ but you do, long hair that grows so rapidly out of some peoples' head and not-so-much others (guilty as charged)

Regardless of what we compare ourselves over, I think it leads to one major thing – bitterness. On the way to bitterness, you get angry, you get jealous, you get upset and for what?

I think that we humans have really lost the art of contentment i.e. im happy with what I have at this very moment. We are always clammering for what we don’t have, and the reason normally boils down to – everyone else has it.

I know that its not easy to not compare your life to others, we’ve all done it and it comes somewhat naturally. However, if we are going to be well balanced, happy people, we need to get a big handle on dealing with comparison and the issues it brings.

Just a quick aside, being bitter is not a good look.  I  was speaking to a friend today and we spoke about a Yahoo! Article on how Kim K is all that’s wrong with the world or something. My first reaction was “harsh”, but actually, that’s such an insane thing to say. I believe who ever wrote that article is suffering from Green disease. Ok, so she got lucky and made money out of not doing very much (love you Kimmy, but its true) and now you want to place all the ills of the world on her shoulders? Come on. Then this whole beiber thing. If you're on that bandwagon, I kindly urge you to jump off at the next stop for a quick break and reevaluate whether you want to get back on it.

Justin beiber is like a 12 year old boy lol who can sing, and has made a lot of money. Why would someone say they wish he wasn’t born or send him death threats? Are we real here? Yes, you might say, nah demi chill, its jokes, but that’s how ‘jokes’ turn bitter. Be happy for people. You may be able to sing 17 octaves more than beibs, but celebrate or at least don’t hate on his success: look forward to your own. Ok im done, Justin send my money in the post for the plug ;)

On a serious note though, being bitter isn’t attractive. Im sure if you had a choice of eating an apple or munching on a lemon one time, you'd pick the sweeter of the fruits. People tend to be repelled by envious, bitter people, so lets sit ourselves down and ponder…

Life isn’t fair. Once again, i'd like to return to this Utopia that everyone thinks is going down here on earth. It's not brethren. Life isn’t fair. What you think should come to you may take ages or may never come. What you think others who aren’t worthy in any way of achieving, achieve it and more. So that’s settled. Although life isn’t fair in quote, I do believe it's just. And that’s because of God which leads me to my next point...

 God knows what He’s doing. I believe that God is sovereign which means he can do what He wants, when He wants to do it and how He wants to do it. If God decides that a person should have lots of money, or perfect health or whatever else, thats His prerogative. What we need to learn is that He has a plan for every life on earth. What my life will be and has been uup to this point, is vastly different from yours and its meant to be.

There are people who wish they have a fraction of what you enjoy. As much as we like to look to the next person, there are people who wish they had the body, the parents, the friends, the job, the church, the eyes that you do. So a good place to start is thanksgiving. Sounds cliché but its true. For everything you don’t have, you have so many other things. We can start with our phsycial bodies and move to our mental faculties and then on to our material possessions…

Hope!

My self/God-appointed name ‘Ireti’ means hope. Lets have hope my people; things will get better. Our prayers will get answered. We will get our desires. If we just set our face like a flint, which means ‘bone’ or look forward steadfastly, God will unravel our life story in the timetable it was meant to unraveled in. Who knows, God giving me something that I really kinda want now, would be the downfall of me, and Hes not going to be having that.

Life isn’t a box of chocolates. You can't just pix and mix. If you are so desperate to have a part of someone's life, you have to take the good the bad and the ugly. And most likely, you wont be able to handle it. We don’t always know the full picture - yeah she has money, but do you know if she got a terrible diagnosis last week? Yes all the girls like him, but do you know if his parents don’t? lets focus on our own lives, warts on all, because they are just what we can bear.

Comparing ourselves makes us miserable and ultimately, unhappy. Life is too short to be looking at what shaniqua is wearing and what car ben is driving. There's also a little principle of reaping what you sow. If you celebrate with someone at their time of joy, people will celebrate you when its your time. Its not easy but it can be done. The life God has given you is perfect for you and no one could handle it as well as you are and will continue to.

Let me stop, so as not to seem like one preacher lol, i'll bow out with a scripture though.  

Colossians 1: 11 - "We ask him to strengthen you by his glorious might with all the power you need to patiently endure everything with joy." 

Lets endure our individual challenges, not screwfacing and grumbling about what everyone else has, but with joy, with celebrating others and with a sense of hope.

TheArtOfManliness

I stumbled on a really cool blog recently, 'The art of manliness' and it just posts about men who want to be just that, men. The post I read was about the art of conversation. Wait, let me just link you up right quick:

 http://artofmanliness.com/2010/09/24/the-art-of-conversation/ 

Neyo released an album, ‘The Year of The Gentleman’, and even though he didn’t release it in 2012, It can still be now. My dear guy friends, why not commit to becoming a well rounded man? To be honest, you all pretty much are. And can I just say, ladies, let's compliment the males in our lives more. One wise guy I know has stated several times, that people just need appreciation once in a while. 

So here goes - you guys are great. You all are so talented. You have large hearts for people and help them when you can. You dress and carry yourself well, you respect your elders and you have visions and plans for your life. You love God and want to please Him, even though sometimes you feel like you stray. You respect women and you love kids. you make us laugh, you help us fix things and you give us sage advice. So if you’re a good guy, this is for you. We ladies love and respect you because you are practising the art of manliness. 

N*gger? Yes, no, maybe, you don't know?

Ok, so it’s 4 in the morning, I cant sleep and i’m on youtube. Im lying here watching a video about a lady in America, Dr. Laura, a white woman who gives radio advice. An african american woman, who is married to a white man, calls in and seeks advice about racial slurs from her in laws. The next thing i know, this Dr. laura is saying something along the lines of get over it, you n*ggers say the word to yourselves anyway and she goes on to say this word several times. 

So the show has four black people on it, (Link at the bottom), and they have varying opinions. Two major questions arise which i’d like to address from my point of view and open up a discussion about what you all think. 

Issue number one: should black people be using this n word in general?

So we all know about slavery. And please, don’t be rolling your eyes out there because it was very real and people really did suffer. The n word was a big part of the racial discrimination at the time and so especially for the older generation, brings back negative emotions and experiences. i just want to get that out there right off the bat, because a lot of black people are out there now just like ugghh slavery yada yada, we weren’t even there or know anyone who was there, or say stuff like other races had huge social issues too (which they did, and also refer back to to this day - Jews and the holocaust being an example.) anyhoodly! the n word whichever way you look at it, has derogatory connotations. 

Ok, so now my opinion. Maybe the fact that i’m black and British and not American means that the whole ‘sup my n*gga’ never fully entered my vocabulary. However, i have used the word several times as a joke with my brother and other people close to me. I’ve always had a feeling that i shouldn’t really use the word, and always make sure that i’m using the ‘friendly’ version, i.e. with the ‘a’ and not the ‘er’. I don’t think a word that caused so much pain, not just to black americans, but even those africans who migrated outwith africa, should be thrown around. 

Yes rappers use it, and people have tried to use it colloquially, but all i think this does is minimise the tough experiences people had to deal with. Imagine, no, just imagine, (If you are black), you come back from work or uni, and you’re like, yo i’m hungry. Imma just hit up that Mcd’s real quick. (pardon my americanisms lol) so you’re on Union Street, (shout out to my Aberdonians, ken) and theres one big A3 sign on the window talkin’ bout, no niggers allowed. How are are going to feel? So but after someone has used this word to exclude you and make you feel inferior, its the first word that comes to your mind when you holla at your friends? even if it is, which means you need some kind of help to separate positives and negatives emotions or something, i think we can do better to come up with less ‘loaded’ terms. 

Thats what i think. I say it occasionally as a joke, i know i ‘shouldn’t’ and when i do i try to make an effort to stop. What do you think? Are you cool with it? Is it not a big deal anymore? After all, we aren’t even in yankee? lol COMMENT. NOW. 

Second issue: should members of other races be allowed to say the n word?

Ok, so this is really what made me jolt up in my bed at this funny hour to blog. One guy was like, oh he kind of agrees with Dr. Laura in the sense that there’s confusion because black people are saying it to themselves. Let me just give a personal example. I was in secondary school, and my closest friend, was a lovely white girl. so one day, my friend asks me, what would you do if i called you a n*gger? I was taken aback and said something along the lines of ‘i’d shank you’ or something, just because i thought i was hard haha. So it really got me thinking that if a person not of the black race, called me that word, i would be offended, demand an apology and probably not speak to them for a while. My reasoning is, if my mum and my brother, my sister and my dad, call me fat - i’d be like aight, laugh out loud or whatever. but if some random on the street or some acquaintance swags up and calls me fat, lets just say i wont be jolly. So, i think its like that. What your family can say to you and get away is is different from what someone outwith your family can. 

I think we should stop trying to act like we live in Utopia and the world is just paradise and smells like perfume and full of peace and harmony. Im not a pessimist by nature, #HopeIsTheNameOfTheGame, but I really don’t believe the world has ever been like that, since Adam and his wifey anyway, nor will ever be. #JustThatHeavenSteez but thats a different story. So, as much as you want to hug a tree and tell me we are all one, we aren’t. life isn’t balanced, or fair or just in general terms. Yes it would be nice that we live on balanced scales but the fact of the matter is, there are differences that are prevalent and we are all trying to overcome. so if i was ever cool with a black person calling me n*gga, im not cool with a person who isnt the same race as me doing it. 

What do you think? Is this double standards and hypocrisy? Should we stop separating ourselves into factions and have rules that apply across the board? share what you think! i cant write all this, more so at this time, for nothing #IBeg. 

Thats it folks, I sat up and started talking to myself like people were up in my room so i decided to approach the passion to deal with the issue in the slightly more sane way of blogging. 

Hope its not too long a read! 

Heres the link if you are interested in watching: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRpzIgEoXcU&feature=relmfu 

p.s going to be blogging a lot more. i have a lot to say. 

x